Hey, folks, I'm back from my trip to Wash. D.C.  My surgery didn't go nearly as well as I'd hoped it would, but I'll live. I visited the wall and said my so-long's to my partner.  It was very crowded and I tried my best not to break down but was totally unsuccessful. I cried till I thought I couldn't cry anymore and felt a pain that I thought was behind me.  I never thought I could feel so bad again.  As I blubbered out the words to my friend, I could slowly feel the Lord's strength taking over.  He must have felt that I needed to feel the pain first, I don't know, but then He took me by the hand and led me to a place where I could be at peace with myself.  I told Billy that I would see him again when it was time and that I knew he was in God's arms. I told him that I no longer tried to drink and drug my pain away and that I walked with The Lord now, in a different army, in a different war.  I could not for the life of me control my tears and I cried till I thought my heart would burst. Heck, I'm crying now.  As I left the wall to go back to my hotel, I somehow felt an inner peace.  The next day, after classes, I went back to the wall to see it in the dark and make sure my part was finished.  I thought there was more to say but instead felt ok and had nothing further to say to Billy.  God was with me, I could feel His presence.  I think this was the most profound thing that ever happened to me.  It's over now.  Billy and my heart are at peace.  God, how I still miss him, though.

©1997 - Michael Dingwell

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